To answer this question, you must think about the definition of personality. What does this word mean? Personality is the combination of qualities that make up a person, cause them to be recognizable to others in their groups, and make them able to be successful in the world. Personality includes both nature and nurture, qualities you are born with, such as your disposition, your temperament, and your ability to manage feelings and thoughts. It also includes your moral character, and your ability to be empathetic or sympathetic.
I share these qualities, because if you can change your personality, there is a lot you have to work through to do it. If you were born into a family with issues, you may have picked up many qualities from your family that are hard to change. These may be coping mechanisms developed over many years to manage the dysfunction in the family. It may take a great deal of personal work, practice, meditation and changing of rituals and routines to develop a new personality.
That being said, I believe it is not impossible. I believe that if a person wants to change the way they react to stimuli, the way they treat others, the way they live, a person can do this, with help. There are many programs out there for people to help get rid of bad habits, like hypnosis, religion, meditation, yoga, exercise, to name just a few. This won’t change an entire personality, but it may be just the catalyst to begin doing so. Discipline and support are the key elements to change in all ways, and personality is no different in this case. A personality is a multi-tiered and complex structure, and all elements of it are intertwined, so taking any aspect of it will affect any other aspect of it. This makes it also more possible to do, because all elements of a personality are interconnected.
I have changed certain parts of my personality which have changed the entire structure. I was in a long-term relationship for more than half my life with a person who caused me to act in very specific ways. I was made to feel lesser than, which affected my level of confidence in all aspects of my life. I was forced to be submissive in the relationship, and deferred in every part of my life, causing me to experience low level depression and anxiety all the time. As soon as this person left, I went into therapy, which changed my entire life after a period of time. I was able to change my personality, and I became more confident in every aspect of my life, I was able to find a new partner and have true agency in the relationship, I learned how to manage my money and now have great savings for my retirement, I was able to change my relationships with my children so I have agency in those places as well, and I was able to make large decisions in my life, that I had never been able to do before. Because of this, I was more patient in my work, I was more patient with myself, and more understanding of others, no matter what the circumstances. I became more aware of my biases and changed those parts of myself as well, to become a better, more thoughtful person. I believe my basic nature was good to begin with, but I had gotten into some very bad and self-defeating attitudes and messages that went through my head continuously, which affected my entire personality. I am a healthier person because of the changes I have made, but I could not have done it without the great support of my friends, family, my new partner, my colleagues, my students, my therapist, and most of all, the discipline that I created around myself to keep the work going: journaling, prayer, meditation, breathing techniques, letter writing, working out, running, being in nature, and listening to the still small voice inside of me.
